Susan Granger’s review of “Gods of Egypt” (Lionsgate/Summit)
One character verbalizes the dilemma of trying to evaluate this sword ‘n’ sandals fantasy, saying something like, “If I even attempted to explain it, your brain would liquefy and run out of your ears.”
But here goes…
Harking back to classic mythology, Osiris (Bryan Brown) decides to pass the Egyptian throne to his son Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), which infuriates his villainous brother Set (Gerard Butler), who kills Osiris, blinds Horus and plunges the once-peaceful kingdom into chaos and conflict.
Along comes a mortal lad, a thief named Bek (Brenton Thwaits), who not only retrieves Horus’ blue eyeballs but joins with Horus to reclaim the country with the help of the bewitching Goddess of Love, Hathor (Elodie Yung); the campy God of Knowledge, Thoth (Chadwick Boseman); and the Almighty Ra (Geoffrey Rush), who rides on his celestial chariot through the glowing sky, shooting solar beams at a serpentine creature representing chaos.
Bek’s wants to be reunited with his lover Zaya (Courtney Eaton), who worked for Set’s obelisk architect Urshu (Rufus Sewall) until he killed her, dispatching her to the underworld of jackal-headed Anubis, where, hopefully, she can be rescued before paying Set’s new afterlife toll tax. (I kid you not!)
Idiotically written by Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless (collaborators on “Dracula Untold”) and unsteadily directed by Alex Proyas (“Dark City,” “The Crow,” “Knowing,” “I, Robot”), it’s vulgar and inane to the extreme, filled with cheesy special effects as the huge gods, who bleed gold, and inexplicably shape-shift into different creatures.
Although Alex Proyas was born in Egypt to Greek parents, no Egyptian actors were cast, even as ‘extras,’ since filming occurred in the Australian desert, not the Sahara. Disregarding any attempt at diversity, the cast is primarily Caucasian.
On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Gods of Egypt” is a demented 2, a total waste of time and talent – from start to finish.
