Susan Granger’s review of “Walking With Dinosaurs” (20th Century-Fox)
On Britain’s BBC, “Walking With Dinosaurs,” narrated by Kenneth Branagh, was a superb, six-part natural history series but, blown up into 3-D on the big screen, the silly, anthropomorphized characters and weak plot become a big stumbling block.
The setup is that an archeologist, Zack (Karl Urban), takes his niece, Jade (Angourie Rice), and nephew, Ricky (Charlie Rowe), with him on a dig in Alaska, where he finds a dinosaur tooth. Ricky is so disinterested that he stays in the SUV, texting, until a talking bird, Alex (voiced by John Leguizamo), magically transports the audience (but not Ricky) back to prehistoric times – 70 million years ago.
That’s where Patchi (voiced by Justin Long), a young Pachyrhinosaurus who lost part of his frill to a winged carnivore, head-butts with his brawny older brother Scowler (voiced by Skyler Stone), vying for leadership of the herbivore herd during its annual southern migration during the late Cretaceous period. Clever, curious Patchi is searching for food and a mate, and he’s determined to survive threats from predators and forest fires. The villain is Gorgon the Gorgosaurus, a two-and-a-half-ton omnivore that – thankfully – doesn’t talk.
On the plus side, the photo-realistic 3-D animation is magnificent against beautiful Alaskan/New Zealand wilderness backgrounds. And each of the dinosaur species is clearly identified, adding to the educational value. But dissonance crops up behind every boulder.
So it’s a shame that screenwriter John Collee (“Happy Feet”), along with directors Barry Cole (“Mulan”) and Neil Nightingale (“Meerkats: The Movie”), never considered these questions: Why don’t the dinosaurs’ mouths move when they talk? Why is the dialogue so childishly stupid – with corny poop jokes? Why would a prehistoric parrot have a Hispanic accent? Why does Patchi sound like an American teenager? Why is the only motivation of the lone female dinosaur, Juniper (voiced by Tiya Sircar), to rhapsodize about Patchi? How would dinosaurs know about ninjas? And why would they reference God?
On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Walking With Dinosaurs” is an unfortunately dopey 4. It’s a nonsensical, mind-numbing disappointment.
