Susan Granger’s review of “Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid” (Screen Gems)
When a movie’s this bad, you gotta wonder how and why it got made. Here’s the story. Back in 1997, there was this horror creature feature starring then-unknown Jennifer Lopez, along with Eric Stoltz, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson and Jon Voight. Despite its obvious animatronics, it actually did quite well at the box-office. So with today’s new technology to create computer-generated reptiles, producer Verna Harrah must have thought, “Why not try a sequel?” This time, the premise is that pharmacologists have theorized that there might be an orchid in Borneo that could prolong life. Off to discover this rare flower that blooms only two weeks every seven years are a group of New York scientists who don’t seem to realize it’s monsoon season and mating season for the anacondas. While there are seven credited screenwriters, not one of them realized that Borneo is near Southeast Asia, between Indonesia and the Philippines, and that anacondas are South American snakes. But why quibble about herpetology and geography? Matthew Marsden plays the research team’s leader, KaDee Strickland’s his assistant, Salli Richardson-Whitfield is the company’s science rep, Morris Chestnut is the money man, Eugene Byrd’s the computer geek, Nicholas Gonzales is the doctor who’s there for the adrenaline-rush, and Johnny Messner is the roguish, tough-guy boat owner who agrees to take them all down the river for a hefty fee, accompanied by his pet monkey Kong and a local guide, Karl Yune. Director Dwight Little (“Free Willy 2”) does keep us wondering who will be swallowed next by the giant carnivorous snakes. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid” is a ridiculous 2, featuring cellphones that even work in the remote jungle.
