Susan Granger’s review of “Ted 2” (Universal Pictures)
The most inventive sequence in this lackluster sequel opens the titles, as the Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) marries his gum-chewing girlfriend, Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth), with Sam Jones (1980s Flash Gordon) officiating, followed by a lavish Busby Berkeley-like dance number atop a giant wedding cake.
Cut to one year later, when Ted and Tami-Lynn squabbling. Although Ted has no genitals, they agree that having a baby will quell their domestic strife and save their relationship.
So Ted and his “thunder buddy,” John (Mark Wahlberg), pay an ill-fated visit to a sperm bank, then sneak into New England Patriot’s QB Tom Brady’s house at night, hoping to use him as a donor.
When that fails, they visit adoption agencies, only to discover that, according to Massachusetts law, Ted’s not really a person but a piece of property. So it’s off to find the fledging lawyer (Amanda Seyfried) who will take on their legal/philosophical civil rights case – pro-bono.
Meanwhile, there’s a subplot in which a creepy Hasbro janitor (Giovanni Ribisi) tries to kidnap Ted and dissect him to discover his ‘secret’ to manufacture a new line of sentient, self-aware, Ted-like bears.
When writer/director Seth MacFarlane (TV’s “Family Guy” creator) devised this profane, pot-smoking CGI teddy bear character, it was kind of sweet and amusing. But this inept sequel revolves around one crude joke. And it grows stale fast.
Perverted and proudly politically-incorrect, there are seemingly endless marijuana reference, punctuated by celebrity cameos (Jay Leno, Morgan Freeman, John Slattery, etc.) – with Liam Neeson delivering dead-pan humor, purchasing a box of Trix cereal.
Following a clever soundtrack homage to “Jurassic Park” dinosaurs on a road trip from Boston to New York, there’s lovely, lyric interlude in which Seyfried sings “Mean Ol’ Moon,” mesmerizing various woodland creatures, including a raccoon and a lobster. But the climactic Comic-Con chase sequence falls flat. It’s all hit-or-miss mediocrity.
On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Ted 2” is a flagrantly fumbling 5. The bawdy bear is back – and it’s disappointingly un-funny.
