Susan Granger’s review of “Season of the Witch” (Screen Gems/Relativity Media)
Set in the 14th century, this stale supernatural thriller can’t make up its mind whether it’s journey into quasi-religious, good vs. evil horror or sheer, campy nonsense.
The mundane medieval muddle begins as several accused ‘witches’ are hanged, drowned and then chanted over by a priest who perishes for his zeal. Skip ahead to the brutal Holy Land battles of two feisty Crusaders – Behman (Nicolas Cage) and Felson (Ron Perlman) – who routinely wager, ‘Whoever slays the most men buys drinks!” Eventually, these war-weary Knights become disillusioned with slaughtering innocent women and children in the name of the Church and desert their priest/commander. As they wander the European countryside, they discover that the Black Plague has decimated the majority of population. Are ancient, malevolent forces at work? Perhaps, particularly when a disfigured, dying Cardinal (Christopher Lee) charges them with transporting a battered and bruised young girl (Claire Foy) suspected of being a witch to the distant Abbey of Savanac, where she will stand trial. Accompanied by Hagamar (Stephen Graham), a swindler who knows the countryside; Eckhart (Ulrich Thomson) an elderly bereaved Knight; Father Debelzaq (Stephen Campbell Moore), the witch’s superstitious accuser; and Kay (Robert Sheehan), an eager acolyte, their perilous journey includes the somewhat suspenseful crossing a deep crevasse on a rickety wooden bridge and then fleeing from a ravenous pack of obviously digital wolves in the dense forest.
Diligently earning this abominable paycheck, Nicolas Cage summons his usual intensity, while Ron Perlman (“Hellboy”) is content with sheer ham, while slogging through their paces in picturesque Austria, Hungary and Croatia. Screenwriter Bragi Schut injects so much anachronistic buddy bantering that little of director Dominic Sena’s carefully calculated medieval misery and stench makes much sense, particularly viewed alongside the absurdity of Cage’s and Perelman’s perfectly aligned, gleaming white 21st century dentistry.
On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Season of the Witch” is a cursed 3. Or as the priest astutely observes in the height of the climactic battle against Satan, “We’re going to need some more holy water!”
