Susan Granger’s review of “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” (Paramount Pictures)
This is a movie about Hasbro toys robots, specifically. They surfaced first as an animated TV miniseries about a war between Optimus Prime with his Autobots and the evil Megatron with his Decepticons. In Michael Bay’s 2007 “Transformers,” a geeky teen, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), was transfixed by the Spark cube that turns a machine into a Transformer. Now, with the Spark shattered, Sam is off to college, leaving behind his sexy girlfriend, Mikaela (Megan Fox).
But first, there’s the revelation that Transformers have been on Earth since 17,000 BC “Our worlds have met before” a visit to their home in Cybertron – and a battle in Shanghai, where Capt. Lennox (Josh Duhamel) and Sgt. Epps (Tyrese Gibson) discover the Decepticons are back, searching for Spark shards to free Megatron. So when Sam accidentally touches a Spark shard and visualizes strange symbols that look like hieroglyphics, he’s pursued by nymphomaniac co-ed (Isabel Lucas) who’s a Decepticon-in-disguise. Eventually, Sam and Mikaela get to the Smithsonian Museum in Washington, where an ancient Transformer (Tony Todd), known as The Fallen (referring to Lucifer), diabolically whisks them to Egypt and Jordan on an archeological hunt for the source of Energon which only the Matrix of Leadership can unlock.
Confused? A coherent plot is not the strong suit here. Instead, a trio of screenwriters and director Michael Bay propel the noisy, action-filled, mind-numbing two-and-a-half-hour CGI adventure – with visual references to “10,000 B.C,” “Terminator,” “The Mummy,” “King Kong,” “Alien vs. Predator,” “Indiana Jones” and “Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian,” along with Bay’s own “Pearl Harbor” and “Bad Boys II” – building to an earsplitting cataclysmic climax in the desert as plasma-wielding humans and metallic Autobots endeavor to save the planet again.
On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is a smashing, super-frenetic 5. As the saying goes, “The difference between men and boys is the size of their toys”
and the epic length and cacophony of their thrill-rides.
