Susan Granger’s review of “THE CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION” (DreamWorks)
Woody Allen’s mock ’40s film noir crime caper revolves around CW Briggs (Allen – think Humphrey Bogart) a grubby, chauvinistic Northcoast Insurance investigator (“I’d hate to have me after me.”) who falls under the spell of Voltan, a stage hypnotist (David Ogden Stiers) who swings a Chinese jade pendant and utters key words like “Madagascar” and “Constantinople.” In public, Voltan suggests that he’s in love with his nemesis, a tough, hostile, tequila-swilling efficiency expert (Helen Hunt – think Lauren Bacall) who is having an affair with their married boss (Dan Aykroyd – think Fred MacMurray). But, in private, using post-hypnotic suggestion, he orders CW to heist jewelry from the Kensington estate whose security devices he installed – and not remember that he committed the crime. Enter spoiled, sultry, seductive Laura Kensington (Charlize Theron – think Veronica Lake), along with two suspicious gumshoes (Michael Mulheren, Peter Linari) and co-workers (Elizabeth Berkley, Brian Markinson, Wallace Shawn). Using formulaic devices, Allen mixes screwball comedy with muddled melodrama, punctuated by nasty, disappointingly repetitive verbal barbs. Allen’s golden-hued, romanticized concept of Depression-era Manhattan dominates, as executed by production designer Santo Loquasto, cinematographer Zhao Fei, and costumer Suzanne McCabe. As with most Allen films, the music enhances the mood, particularly Duke Ellington’s “Sophisticated Lady,” “In A Persian Market” performed by trombonist Wilbur De Paris, and “Two Sleepy People” done by Earl “Fatha” Hines. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “The Curse of the Jade Scorpion” is a nostalgic if predictable 5. It’s not Woody Allen at his best, nor at his worst either.
